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A Smartphone Free Childhood in 15 minutes

“Thanks for doing this”. “Good talk”. “Thank you for bringing this to our attention”. “I think about it exactly like you do.” Wow, that felt good!

This week I presented twice about delaying smartphones and social media for our children. I spoke at my kids’ primary school at the start of the school year and had about 15 minutes for my speech: no screen, no slides.

I prepared my presentation by writing it down. I can’t recall ever doing this before, but ever since I’m writing more it felt like the natural thing to do, especially given that I had no slides to back me up. I structured the story in line with the introduction video (Dutch) from A Smartphone Free Childhood. I wrote in Dutch (PDF) and here’s the translation (thanks Claude):

How nice that we get to give a presentation here tonight. A presentation without a screen, admittedly, but that fits rather well with the theme. Together we're trying to bring attention to Smartphone Free Childhood. We say: let's postpone the smartphone for our children a little longer.

We're members of the Parent Community of Smartphone Free Childhood, and — ironically — we manage a WhatsApp group for that purpose, which some of you are already familiar with. For the sake of completeness, we should mention that we don't represent the Foundation Smartphone Free Childhood.

We're not anti-tech. In fact, I work in IT and have taught computer science in secondary education. Technology has enormous benefits, and children should get the chance to learn how to use it — but in a way where they use the technology, rather than the technology using them.

Almost everyone has one: a smartphone. Even young children. A child in the last years of primary school without a phone stands out. As a parent, you feel that pressure too. You don't want your child to fall outside the group.

And maybe you also think: a smartphone provides reachability, a sense of safety. But all around you, you see those bowed little heads disappear into that small screen. And you wonder: what's actually happening here?

Look, a smartphone isn't an ordinary phone — it's a computer in your pocket. One that's always on and always connected.

That Nokia and the first smartphones from 20 years ago, which most of us in this room grew up with, are incomparable to today's smartphone. As parents, we grew along slowly with the development of the internet, smartphones, and social media. Our children now face an almost limitless online world all at once. That calls for caution.

Take social media alone: those platforms have changed enormously over the years. Where you used to see chronological posts from friends and family, you now see a personalized stream of optimized content.

Through advanced algorithms, they show you what you find interesting. You get confirmed as much as possible in what you already like, and you receive recommendations tailored to your style, taste, and even mood. All of this happens with the goal of keeping you glued to the platform for as long as possible, feeding you ad after ad while your preferences and interests are analyzed further with every click and scroll. Big business.

You've probably heard that everyone lives in their own bubble? Algorithms are the main drivers of those bubbles. A large part of what you see is sensation and reaffirmation, repackaged over and over. Messages from friends and family make up only a small part of what you consume.

As soon as a child gets a smartphone, apps like WhatsApp, TikTok, and Snapchat quickly become part of daily life. Games too — through Roblox, for example — are loaded with all kinds of addictive techniques.

For children, it's almost impossible to stop. That's because an important part of their brain hasn't developed yet: the brake. Children can't help that. Even we as adults struggle with it. And tech executives know this so well that they don't give their own children smartphones. Doesn't that say enough?

Teenagers now spend an average of six hours a day on their phones. And it's becoming increasingly clear what the consequences of this can be.

That's why we propose — this is the core principle of Smartphone Free Childhood — to postpone smartphone use together. Start with a simple call-and-text phone. From age 14, you can choose a smartphone. And only from age 16, possibly, social media.

This is no longer an entirely new message: more and more countries are developing legislation around this.

This gives your child the chance to grow up undisturbed.

There are already secondary schools — such as Hoeksch Lyceum and Actief College — where you no longer need a smartphone to see which classes are cancelled. Old-fashioned screens with schedule changes hang in the hallway again. And you can open lockers again without needing a phone for it. In fact, at Actief College they've converted the modern lockers back into simpler versions for exactly that reason.

Every parent or caregiver naturally makes their own choice. It remains difficult. Every home situation is slightly different, and everyone has their own perspective on it. So I'm not here to convince anyone — but I hope to show people who also have doubts about smartphone use at a young age that postponing the smartphone is a real option.

In a classroom, it only takes a quarter of the children to join in for peer pressure to disappear. A child is then no longer the only one. And you, as a parent, are no longer alone in this either. Together, it works. Together, we can change the norm. Thank you for your attention.

On Monday I presented to parents of the lower levels and on Thursday to those of the upper levels. I held a small piece of paper in my left hand with the structure of my talk and the 13 bullet points that I wanted to deliver. It kept me from drifting off and gave me the confidence I wouldn’t forget about anything.

I’m relieved it’s done now. Throwing yourself in front of an audience, especially in your own neighborhood, comes with some excitement. On the other hand I really enjoyed it and saw it as an opportunity to bring a message I stand for and practice my speaking skills.

Thanks to Sandra, Jelle and Gijs for helping me prep and all their support to our shared mission.